aloevera.

Its amazing to have when being sunburned! suntan lotion. wear it!
so that was not the point of this blog! the point was to say what was on my mind.
I am enjoying getting to know more people that are opening up to me.i feel im afraid to open up to some people though, since i can't give what i feel i should to the friendship. i remember last summer..i had a hard time opening up..i didnt want to. i was closed off.i felt like the closest people had betrayed me. it sucked. i remember coming home from camp last summer..and i had opened up so much there..and how it helped me to open up to others around me..but i remember the start of this summer..i was so closed off again..not wanting to open up..i felt betrayed once more..i felt like i lost all my friends..and i made fake friends..but going to camp this summer helped me to open up! i really learned to trust not only me or others, but god. i feel like i really tried trusting people this summer..some of who i had just met. im really glad i can open up now!

i really feel like i've been such a bad friend to some people..people who i dont talk to daily to make sure they are alright..i feel like i suck at friendships..and there is one friendship that comes to mind that i know i havent been such a great friend in..and i wish i could just show them that i love them to death..but its hard when they dont help out by putting forth also..its just life. =]
well im out. goodnight!

fresh air.

fresh air is all i had the past week! tahoe. its a beautiful place. especially that 6-7 hour hike was great..even though me and my sister were both sick! one thing that happened one of the past nights in tahoe was me and my sister having a serious conversation..not about politics or the weather..no..about god..it really surprised me we got onto that topic! asking me why i believed and me being sure of my answer made me so happy. i wasn't sure why she kept asking me that..maybe ill never know..but i do know that having discussions about god made me stronger..talking about why we twist what the bible says..that made me read my bible more..i really enjoy having my own god time during the time. it makes me stronger! looking up at the stars one night, there were maybe two in sight..i prayed to god, to just show me a glimpse of his love by filling the sky that night for even one minute with stars..after a half hour i head to the bathroom..when i came back to my tent, i looked up one last time, and there was a full sky of stars...so i go in the tent and get changed..when i went back out..the stars were gone..i really felt like god wanted to show me his presence that night..i felt god so much this past week..my bible was always in my backpack ready to read when i felt i needed reasurrance..it came in handy a lot.i brought it out one night with my sister..she asked me why i had it..i said to share a passage with her..i shared a verse that meant alot to me..then she told me her favorite verse was the one about love is patient love is kind..the night went on with conversations about camp..and how great it is that i still go. she told me to open up to others and not be afraid to..def hard! i really am glad god is bringing me through all this..
going into school, i am scared/excited/happy/angry/lost. i know that my emotions will keep changing..im ready to take this year on even though i will face many struggles..

school registration

I woke up at 8:30, but that was the time I was supposed to show up at school. So I got to registration late..One thing hit me though..all the people i was surrounded by. My normal group of friends, we all came back from doing different things...As we go around telling different stories making us laugh, I am realizing I don't know them anymore. I've really seperated myself, not necessarily good, more bad. I don't know why I'm soo seperate now. I feel like everyone is so fake, and not real. I don't know anyone since I was gone the whole summer.My school picture, its such a fake smile. I was in a bad mood this morning, that when it was time for the picture, I wanted to leave.
Now that im back home, I feel much stronger. I feel like going through the day is easier now, but lonely. I want to be surrounded by what I was for the past two weeks. Its a struggle im facing. I miss everybody i met. I miss having someone to talk to. I know I need to stop relying on humans as much. I am excited for the school year to begin because it shows me how strong I can be and am. There is not much left to say..I am leaving for Tahoe tomorrow morning, so I need to pack everything in my car..Its hard since i worked a full day shift yesterday, and I have another one coming 3:00. I am SO tired and i haven't much sleep. I feel like i just ramble in blogs.

wow.

so..i deleted the silly blogs that were here..i wanted to start fresh..i just came back from camp. it felt..so..surreal.ive learned alot from these past two weeks. I felt like I went to camp with alot on my plate, but came back restored. Hebrews 11:1 "Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." It seems like such an easy verse to comprehend. I took it as an easy verse my whole life until these past two weeks. I took it to heart and prayed that as a prayer just about everyday. Having alone time helped me so much to realize where I've been and where I want to be. If i could fit the last two weeks into one word, it'd be, struggling. I know most people would say changing or something happy and cheery. I feel in my heart though, that the last two weeks was a struggle. Finding out about myself, about others, about God. It def. changed me though. I didn't think coming to camp was the right thing at first, I tried talking myself out of it. However, God had a purpose for me going. I think the purpose of that was to show me hope. Camp is sooo hard to express in words. It changed me. I know that facing these things was the best choice of my whole summer. I feel like God really wanted me to open up which was not something I totally felt comfortable with. It was hard. Trusting..what a comcept to learn. Something I have also learned is, I love myself. I put myself down alot which makes me negative. I was happy that Indigo pointed out how I say negative things, because she helped me to say I love myself. I will have more to say as time progresses, but I am just glad I am on the right path.