more of today.

its just hard to take on what others are giving me and telling me when i have my own stuff going on..its hard. i never know what to say. i feel bad..but theres not much i can do..i need to start doing things for myself..not others.i gotta realize whats important in life, and what isnt. I am always living on the safe side, which isnt bad, but i need to start taking risks. its pretty tough though..idk..im tired of the same day to day routine..i want something different. more action in my life or something. i want new things to happen. experience new things. its getting boring..

never have i

been so upset with an adult figure.
they way he shot me down today..it just hurt. especially in front of people. Then sending me lower only to have me "babysit" them. thats not a try out. Thats a babysit and be bored type of day. I give my all at soccer, or pretty much anything I do..but he just doesn't care and thinks i belong somewhere else. what happened to, 5 days of try outs? I am about to just say fuck soccer and get a move on with my life. If he is going to be rude to me, i cant handle it. Having me feel like I need practice is one thing, but to make me feel like im worthless, not working. Im getting upset everytime. its hard. i just want to break down everytime. It sucks. I dont like crying in front of others..but today i did. it hurts. gah.

favorite

i think my new favorite movie for the time being is scary movie. the original first one.
"what are you wating for? what are you waiting for? what are you waiting for?"
*guy jumps of building*
"oops...haha"

dude this movie is hilarious.
anyways..
9-6 shift today..glad its over. got pizza for family, and now we are going to go tothe winchester mystery house as family bonding time..this will be interesting..im kinda tired but oh well.

touch..

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something. "

Sometimes..i wonder in my own life if I just like to "Crash" so i can feel something. Feel something other than the daily life routines. That quote was stuck in my head the whole time at work. Especially the part, "i think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into eachother, just so we can feel something." It just sticks..idk...sometimes i long for that feeling of someone that i am hurtful with my words..idk..it sounds pretty weak but oh well.

today...was..

interesting.
that debate was alright..it went good for our side. but most people werent listening 5th..and 6th..they were into it.
anyways..so afterschool, coach made me upset. im over that though.Tonight I went running with a friend. that was good. we can keep the same pace until the end. she goes fast at the end. but idk. i need to push myself more. i know i can do more, that my body can take on more, but i dont allow myself to. I just look at what I will be running, and move it to a pace that I can go to keep running the whole time.i love the feeling i get after running. i feel accomplished. thats why i do it. im really scared about soccer though. I cant make all the requirements..but we will see what happens..=/

im dead tired from running pretty much 4 miles total today..so its time to get into bed!
[i like how i say im going to bed every blog post.]

realizations

Ive come to many realizations..first one, i dont ever have time to blog! ha.
2nd..i am pretty emotional at times and that explains a lot.
today..i dont even know..i just blew up at everyone who crossed my path, which i apologize about. Only one person really understood me and why I did. I just get screwed over lately at work, and I finally stood up to everyone who did. I feel bad about taking it out on some people but I mean..i was upset. It was rude but deserved. Idk.
I realized that I really admire the way they gave me a chance. Didn't blow me off and say, "oh your just a kid". Most people do now. I look up to them because of that. because they try to understand me. They don't use me for anything, and I dont use them at all. We share things equally. I was wondering if I should be communicating still with them, despite others, but its worth it. We get along no matter what. If im wrong, they point it out nicely, if im right, they apologize.
Anyways..those are currently the two thoughts in my head. goodnight.

why?

Why when you have the chance to do something, you don't always take it?
I contemplated on this question for the past week. Again, last night, I had that stupid chance to make it better, but I hesitated and then it was too late.
Peace.

once more

It is sixth period. Yes, blogging during class! Amazing, right?
So I woke up at 7, called a friend to go running but she didn't pick up. So I went back to bed. She called me at 8:30 apologizing. But it was too late to run since I had to go to the doctors. I had to get a physical and a surprise shot. Not fun. but it happens. Galen drove us. Scary! My doctor is so friendly to our family. Its nice. He is really funny also. He made fun of my work and people there since he shops there! Then I went home and got my math book and some other stuff and went to school. Leah for some reason was in the office so I waited with her. My dad only excused me from school and not my brother, so he got cuts. I was laughing at him. Anyways...fifth period came and that was long. Now its sixth period. A song with piano playing came on, so me and lizzy were acting like we played piano. Immature-not. haha. I love sixth period. Its like a free period. Anyways, so im pretty sore from last night running. My dog got me to sprint. Exhausting. Then galen was along side me on a scooter. He was enjoying it while I was dying. But after it, I felt soo good. Except the fact they had pizza at my house when we returned. So I had two slices and water. I feel like a fatty sometimes. I can feel it in my legs when I walk, it hurts a little. I have work tonight. I don't want to because of the football game, meaning they will attack the store afterwards and before hand. Then I have to wake up at 7:30 to be somewhere by 8:15..babysit until 1:45 and then rush to work..Not fun. But you do what you have to do. I work 2-11 tomorrow =[

No timeee

So..im pretty much bad at updating this thing. i have NO time. Im in sixth period..and the teacher just gave a 30 minute lecture..i am not sure why..I pretty much was half asleep because i have no sleep. I went to bed around 2ish and then woke up at 6ish. No bueno. Its easy to get up, but by the end of the day i am dead..except for, i have soccer right after school. Who wants to sprint 2 miles when dead? Not me. I hate these requirements but you have to do what you have to do to succeed, right? So me and leah switched phones for a bit today..that was enjoyable. Especially since not many people knew..I confused this guy tho. haha. Its been over all a good day so far..I am tired but what can i do? I dont have work tonight which is good. I had a conversation with a real good friend, and she told me that she has noticed me changing, and its a good change? I dont feel its a good change, but she thinks it is..anyways...i feel like i havent been here for people that are my priorities..i need to. I miss them. I miss everything. How i used to be, how i could talk to them when something came up, and especially how much we talked. Things will work out, hopefully. Anyways, im falling asleep right now, me and lizzy are listening to my ipod..we like listening to hanson. =] if i had a bed right now, id be asleep..but i cant sleep til way later tonight..like after i get everything done. I have to do alllll my homework thats due tomorrow..4 math pages, chem, and alot more im too lazy to name. like history. Alright well the bell is about to ring. like 6 minutes..So i need to get off and get my stuff together. =] ill write more after conditioning. HELLO 2 MILES.